Serene (Shattered Book 3) Page 16

  I didn’t think my life was hell anymore. All thanks to Stanley, and what he did to make me believe I could live a life I wanted to live.

  For the first time in years, I let my mind travel back to the moment the accident happened. There was no way to avoid the crash. The truck was just too close. Too close to keep us safe...

  Tears started to burn my eyes, but I didn’t want Kean to see them.

  Taking a few deep breaths, I spoke, “It wasn’t your fault. I never blamed you for losing control over the car. I never blamed you for what happened to me. And maybe if you had stayed, you would know that by now.”

  “Maybe… But I left. And I will never forgive myself for doing it.”

  I gathered all my willpower, stood up and came to the couch where I knew Kean was sitting. I sat down next to him and reached out one hand to touch him.

  “I forgave you a long time ago,” I said. “I’m not saying it just to make you feel better or lessen your guilt. It is true – I stepped over my pain and moved on. And I want you to do the same thing.”

  He stayed quiet.

  “You are watching me now, aren’t you?” I tried to force a smile.

  “How do you know that?”

  “I can feel it. As well as many other things. My senses got much stronger after I lost my vision.”

  “Was it…hard to get used to it?” His words were barely audible, and I wondered if he was about to start crying. But men don’t cry.

  “It doesn’t matter anymore. It is what it is, and I’ve learned how to live with it.”

  “Is there any chance…”

  “I don’t think so. I’ve talked to dozens of doctors, but every one of them said one and the same thing – they didn’t know how to help me get my vision back.”

  “I’m sorry, Ivy… So sorry, for everything.” He moved closer and I knew he was going to hug me.

  For a moment, I thought it would be too much and I shouldn’t let it happen, but when his arms wrapped around me, I suddenly felt something different.

  Relief…

  I felt so relieved we finally talked. I guess I needed it more than I would ever admit. But the truth was – we needed to say it out loud, all of it.

  “Thank you,” I said, instead of throwing more accusations at him.

  “For what?”

  “For coming here today. You should have done it a long time ago. Even if you had no intentions to stay with me.”

  He moved away from me, but took my hands in his and kissed them, one by one – a gesture I would have died for two years ago. But not now.

  “I hope you find your happiness, Ivy. I really want you to be happy.”

  With all my heart, I said, “I am happy, Kean. Now more than ever.”

  “Does this mean you are seeing someone?”

  “Well…yes.” Curious, I asked, “You?”

  “It wasn’t easy to move on, but… Yes, I met someone. A couple of weeks ago.”

  I wasn’t surprised my heart didn’t react to his words. No jealousy followed, and I knew why.

  Because now there was someone in my life, whose presence meant so much more than my past.

  “Tell me about her.”

  “Well… Her name is Josephine and she’s a teacher. We met at her friend’s party and it was the first time in years that I actually wanted to see a woman more than once or wasn’t afraid of hurting her or doing something that would make her hate me for the rest of her life.”

  “Which means she’s special.”

  “I guess she is.”

  “I hope she makes you happy, Kean. Everyone deserves to be happy, no matter what.”

  “Thanks, Ivy. I needed to hear that. From you.”

  “Like I said, we both needed it.”

  Silence followed my words, and if it wasn’t for something metal hitting the kitchen floor – which no doubt wasn’t accidental – we would have stayed like that for much longer.

  “Well, I think it’s time for me to go.” Kean stood up and I did the same.

  “I’ll follow you to the door.”

  We walked down the hall and I suddenly realized that forgiving him was so much more valuable than being angry for what he did years ago. Forgiveness made me free; free from the chains of hatred that had been holding me tied to my past for so long. It wasn’t the accident and its physical painful consequences that made me look back more than often. It was Kean, or to be exact - my hatred for him. I hated him for leaving me, when never once did I try to look at the situation from his point of view.

  What would I do if I were him? Would I be strong enough to dedicate my life to someone like the new me? Would I be able to forgive myself for ruining someone else’s future? Watch him suffer and pretend I didn’t have anything to do with it?

  No one could give me answers to those questions. Because to get them, I would need to go through what Kean had to go through. And even though our paths were different, no one but him knew what stood behind his decisions. I guess this is what we should think about before judging other peoples’ deeds.

  No one is perfect. No one is a saint. And neither were Kean or me.

  A few moments later, he left wishing me all the best, which I returned with pleasure. As J.K. Rowling said in one of her books, “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” Now I knew for sure where my light was and I wanted nothing more than to enjoy it, as much as my life would let me do it.

  “Well, well, Ivy Ryan… Who would have thought you were a priest, forgiving and understanding.”

  Emery stood in the hall, waiting for me to close the door behind Kean.

  “You acted as if it were not him who screwed up your life!”

  “We all screw up things.”

  “Yes, but some do it more often.”

  I smirked. “Do you mean yourself?”

  “Ha-ha, very funny, Ivy. Seriously, how could you let the asshole go just like that?”

  “What was I supposed to do?”

  “Punch him in the face, at the very least?”

  “Right. And miss the face, considering I couldn’t see exactly where his face was.”

  “I would gladly do it for you. Preferably with a pan I found in the kitchen.”

  “Thank you very much, sis. But I did what I thought was the right thing to do. I bet you heard what he was saying; I swear I could almost see the kitchen door burning while you were eavesdropping.”

  “Some words were unclear, though.”

  “Lucky me, I was sitting close enough to him to hear them all. And you know what? I felt sorry for him. For the first time ever, I felt like he didn’t deserve my hatred. On the contrary – he was the person who needed support, as much as I did. But instead, I preferred to be the only victim of the situation. When both of us suffered.”

  “Do you hear yourself? You do sound like a priest. What has Stanley done to you?”

  The answer was more than obvious. “He made me happy.”

  “Oh, dear…”

  I laughed. “I expected a different reaction to my words. Seducing him was your idea, remember?”

  She giggled and came to give me a hug. “At least you listened to my advice about making your non-existent personal life more entertaining.”

  “For once.”

  “Indeed!”

  ***

  Stanley

  “I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do to help her, Stanley.”

  The words got stuck in my head like a mantra. I kept repeating them, over and over again, trying to get used to the hopelessness of the situation. My last hope to help Ivy burst like a bubble. The doctor that I spoke to confirmed my worst fears and I had no idea how to say it to Ivy.

  I know she said she didn’t want to hear what she already knew and I told her I wouldn’t promise anything, unless there was a real chance I could find a way to help her. But deep down inside, I knew she hoped for good news.

  We didn’t talk about her condition. She joked a
bout it, laughed at things she did wrong, like picking up random unnecessary things in a store and then hoping the store would take them back. But never once did she mention me taking her files for a review.

  I reached for my phone and dialed my sister’s number. I needed her advice and I knew I could tell her anything.

  “Hey, Big Brother. How are things in Washington going?”

  “Not bad, actually. What about Pittsburgh?”

  “Shitty.”

  “Why so? Is the baby okay?”

  “The baby is fine. But my back hurts like hell. And it just had to start happening when Liz needs me so much. Her new fashion show is scheduled for the next month. I can’t stay at home and do nothing!”

  “Helplessness is a fucking killer…”

  “Is everything all right? You sound sad.”

  I took a deep breath. “Everything is perfect, except I can’t help everyone.”

  “Uh, it’s about Ivy’s blindness. Am I right?”

  “As always.”

  “I’m sorry, Stan. I wish there was a way to change it. Have you spoken to her?”

  “No, not yet. I don’t know what to say. I so badly wanted to tell her I could fix it, but I can’t. No one can.”

  “Then tell her you love her. I’m sure it will be more than enough for now.”

  “How do you know I love her?”

  Crystal laughed. “I know everything about you. You fell for that girl even before you knew it. Wait, I have an idea – why don’t you and Ivy come to Elizabeth’s show? You don’t work on Sundays, do you?”

  “I don’t. But I need to talk to Ivy first. I’m not sure if she’s ready to see you again so soon.”

  “I’ll be a good girl, I promise.”

  “You never kept that promise.”

  “True. But I’m pregnant now, so anything’s possible, even something as impossible as being a good girl.”

  Smiling, I said, “Okay, I’ll think about the invitation. Hope Liz won’t mind our presence.”

  “Are you kidding? She’ll be thrilled to see you.”

  “All right, I’ll call you tomorrow, after I talk to Ivy. Love you, sis.”

  “Love you too, Stan!”

  I hung up the phone and stared at the framed letter ‘S’ that Ivy gave me the night we first met. How I wish she could see it too. She said she started drawing portraits again, but I didn’t see any of them. I wondered if she could draw my portrait, even though she never saw me for real.

  I got back home around ten in the evening. There was no light in Ivy’s windows, so I thought she was probably asleep by now. I put the files of her medical history on a small table in the hall and went to the kitchen. As always, my fridge looked like a mouse would commit a hunger-bit suicide there, but I doubt I would be able to eat anything. I was tired, both mentally and physically. So I took a bottle of scotch and a glass and went to the couch – the only piece of furniture in the room. It served as my new bed as well, considering Ivy and I didn’t have time to go shopping and buy a real one for me.

  It was my third night in my new apartment and I still didn’t know how to tell Ivy I was her neighbor now. Our relationship got to a new level, but I knew it was too early to ask her to move in with me, no matter how much I missed falling asleep with her by my side. I swallowed the contents of my drink in one gulp and closed my eyes, too exhausted to keep them open.

  I didn’t remember the moment I fell asleep.

  Next thing I knew I was having a dream about Ivy.

  I stood in front of her, mesmerized by the color of her hair.

  “Liquid sunshine,” I said, dying to touch the silky strands.

  She looked me in the eye and said something in response, but I didn’t hear a word of it. Because right there and then she could actually see me. Her eyes were full of curiosity, as if she was trying to read something in my gaze. She looked a bit shy, afraid to say or do something wrong. But all I could think about was how beautiful she was.

  I opened my eyes and sat up on the couch. The feeling of déjà vu wouldn’t let me go. It was so strong, I almost believed it wasn’t just a dream, but a memory.

  I shook my head and leaned back against the only pillow I managed to find in the boxes that took the biggest part of my living room. I missed Ivy. I wanted to see her, wanted to touch her, and I wanted it now.

  I looked at the clock on the wall and realized it was almost morning – six in the morning to be exact. Ivy must still be asleep. So I thought I would take a shower and then go kiss her good morning. She knew I was crazy about her, she wouldn’t be surprised to see me that early in the morning.

  With those thoughts in my head, I got into the shower, turned the water on and let it take the remnants of my troubled sleep away.

  Just when I was about to get out of the shower, I heard someone screaming. I quickly wrapped a towel around my waist and hurried to the door. The screaming was coming from the hall outside my apartment.

  Opening the door, I saw the following picture: a cat and a dog were fighting at the elevator with who I supposed was their owner, trying to take them away from each other.

  “Um… Do you need help, sir?” I said to the old man, who looked just too old to own two animals who obviously hated each other to the bone.

  “Stupid cat,” he mumbled, pocking the white fur with his thick brown cane.

  The cat looked rather offended by his owner’s words. He stepped away from the poor dog who looked even older than the man owning him and walked back to the door of the apartment that was next to mine.

  “Sorry about that,” the old man said. “Since my wife died, these two seem to be unable to coexist on the same planet.”

  I smiled. “Well, cats and dogs rarely share warm feelings for each other.”

  “I know. But Daisy was a huge cat lover, and I always loved dogs. That’s why we decided to have both. And now I regret the day I said ‘yes’ to this hell.”

  “Why don’t you try keeping them in different rooms?”

  “The thing is that neither of them can sleep alone. Weird creatures, huh?”

  “Indeed.”

  “I’m Rodney Dover, by the way. And you must be…”

  “Stanley?”

  Ivy’s voice came from the opposite end of the hall.

  Cursing, I turned around and said, “Morning. Sorry, we didn’t mean to wake you up.”

  “What are you doing here?” She took a few careful steps forward. “Good morning Mr. Dover. Cat and dog problem again?”

  “As always, girl.” Then his eyes switched to me. “So you two seem to know each other. Stanley, right? We should have welcomed you with a pie or something. But my baking skills leave much to be desired, and I’m sure poisoning neighbors, even though not intentional, is a crime.”

  “Neighbors?” Ivy repeated, confused.

  “Um…yes, it was going to be a surprise, but…”

  “Stanley owns Mrs. Winters’ apartment now.”

  “What?”

  Thanks for the help, Mr. Dover.

  “Like I said - it was supposed to be a surprise.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  “How did you know it was me standing in the hall?”

  After we said good-bye to Mr. Dover, Ivy invited me for a cup of morning coffee, so I followed her to her apartment. Well, ‘invited’ was a too strong word for what she said in a cold tone. But the meaning was the same. Drag your smart ass here, now – were her words.

  “Your shower gel,” she snapped, putting coffee beans into her coffee machine. “When were you going to tell me about your ‘surprise’?”

  “After I got dressed. Or maybe a little later.”

  “Got dressed? Or, dear lord…” She paused for a moment. “Are you naked?”

  I chuckled. “Come closer and find out.”

  She shook her head. “Not gonna happen. You lied to me. And you know what? I’m a big girl, if you haven’t noticed.”

  “Oh, trust me, I have.”

  “D
o not dare to interrupt me! Like I said – I’m a big girl and I don’t need a nanny. I’ve been living alone for long enough to prove it.”

  “Uh, come on, Ivy. I didn’t lie to you. I was going to tell you about the apartment. I just didn’t have time to do it. I bought it not because I wanted to become your nanny.” I came closer to where she was standing. “You aren’t angry at me, are you? I mean, I didn’t do anything bad. The place was put up for sale and I bought it. With no secret intentions of spying on you day and night.”

  “Yes, but it’s not just any place – it’s the one right behind this wall,” she pointed to one of the walls of her kitchen.

  “It was the closest I could get to you back then. I didn’t know you would stay in my bed even before I would move next door.”

  “Oh, you…” She ‘attacked’ me with a kitchen towel, which was quite funny I must say.

  “Careful, love. Or you are going to ‘see’ me in my full glory. Not that you haven’t ‘seen’ me like that before.”

  “Stop making fun of me! I’m still angry. Very angry.”

  I caught her by the wrists and pulled her closer to my chest. “Is there a way to lessen your anger?”

  “No.”

  “Think again.”

  “No!”

  “Okay. How about I make dinner and we share it next door?”

  “Definitely, not.”

  “Is it because I haven’t bought a bed yet?”

  She tried to hide her smile. “It is because I’m having a swimming session with the kids today. It was your idea, remember?”

  “Oh, right! Which means I’ll see you in a pool then.”

  “You are going to join us after all?”

  “I wouldn’t miss my chance to see you in a swimsuit for the world.” I leaned closer and covered her lips with mine.

  “Kids will be there too, remember that,” she said, stepping back.

  “I’ll make sure no one sees me flirting with you.”

  “But they will hear you, smarty. Their hearing is so much better than yours.”

  “Anyway, I’m sure I will enjoy swimming with you. See you later.” I gave her another quick kiss and left, hoping her so-called ‘anger’ wouldn’t last forever.